Helpful Tips For Life

Apparently my blog is random…so I’ll blog about more useful “stuff.” Here are some tips:

1.  Don’t wear flipflops if it looks like it is going to rain.  Why? Your feet will get wet and according to Mary Poppins “People who get their feet wet, must learn to take their medicine.” You could get sick with wet feet, but no one likes medicine.  If it doesn’t rain…your feet will be cold, which is just as bad. So just avoid the problem by wearing flats or sneakers on ugly days.

2. Don’t weave in between traffic. Why? Merging CAUSES traffic. People have to stop to let you into their lane, which makes everyone else behind them stop.  If everyone just drives in their lane at the correct speed we would have less traffic (left = speeding, middle = speed limit, right = below speed limit).  Do you want to make the Bay Area like LA? I don’t. So Stop. Plus, your weaving will only get you there a minute faster than me, maybe 2 minutes if you are lucky.

3. Don’t Wear A lot of Strong Perfume When You Ride BART. Why? You are not a human air freshener.  We are in a closed space on the train.  Not everyone thinks your perfume smells good.   I want to be able to breathe.  If I can smell you from the other side of the car the entire trip from Macarthur to Montgomery…you are wearing too much.  What is wrong with not smelling like mint or a flower or an orange?  I think people wear perfume because they don’t shower everyday.  If that is why you put tons of perfume on in the morning. Stop and take a shower instead.  If you do shower and your perfume smells like B.O. mixed with fruit…you better go get your money back from the store.

4. If Someone With Hella Perfume Sits Next To You On BART Put Your Head Next To the Window. Why?  The cracks on the window releases fresh air from outside. It will help you breathe.  The trains are either very old or poorly constructed so there are holes, or so brilliantly constructed to account for smelly people.

5. Don’t Play Music Loud On BART. Buy Earphones. Why? Not everyone likes your music. Plus people are trying to sleep or read.  If I wasn’t so cheap or scared you would beat me up I would give you mine. So please just buy earphones for a $1 at the Dollar Tree. That’s what in looks like if you didn’t know.

6. Don’t PDA on BART. Why? At 7:30 AM…not everyone wants to see how much you love each other.  Hug and kiss every 2 seconds at home.  Plus, I don’t understand the purpose of putting your hands in each other’s pockets.  Are you looking for his/her wallet?  Doesn’t that make it more troublesome to walk? It makes no sense unless you are trying to rob someone or you are super cold in Alaska.

7. Don’t Stand On The Left Side Of The Escalator. Why? Standing is for the right side.  People miss their BART train because you are blocking the way.  So if you see people looking at you funny when you stand on the left…get out of the way.

8. Put Snacks In Ziploc Bags. Why? If you like to choose the cheesiest chips you can find them easier because the bag is see-through vs. the chip bag is not.

9. Keep Ketchup Packets In Your Pantry From Fast Food Restaurants. Why? Then when you bring a burger to school for lunch you won’t have to bring your whole ketchup bottle on BART. You can just bring a few McDonald’s packets.

10. Don’t Buy Frontline From Australia. Why? It is fake. So your dog is not really protected from fleas and ticks.

11. Put A Bottle With A Cork In It On Its Side. Why? If you don’t the cork gets old and ends up breaking and falling into your drink when you try to open the bottle.

12. Carrots Make Your Eyes Better.  Pineapple Makes You Bleed More. Too Much Soy Sauce Makes Your Hair Fall Out. No Why.  My grandparents and parents told me this, so I’m spreading the knowledge.  However, I realize Asian parents tend to make up stuff and it is passed down so many times we start to believe it is true.  I always wondered…if Asian people know this stuff…why do all of their kids wear glasses?

13. Black Angus Gives You A Free Cookie Worth Approx $6 For Free On Your Birthday. No Why. Just Free Stuff. You can get a free hat a Chevy’s too. Richmond doesn’t check your ID for your birthday.

14. If You Use Different Color Highlighters Make Sure They Mean Something. Why? If not, you will just have a rainbow page where you have to reread everything anyways, which defeats the purpose of color coding highlighters.

15. Don’t Look At Me Funny When I Brush My Teeth In The Bathroom. Why? Because I am being healthy. You won’t be mugging at me when you go to the dentist and have cavities while I have a perfect review. Clean teeth is good.

16. I Hate Odd Numbers. So This Tip Serves No Purpose Except To End On An Even Number.

That’s it. Hopefully this helps you bet a better member of society. Have a good day.


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