An Open Letter to Spammers.

August 11, 2011

Dear Spammers,

It must be a rather tough life to know you have a career that causes people a great amount of grief and anger each day. I know that a lot of people curse to the gods that you would be gone (I am guilty of that myself). Day in and day out, you make a living just like the rest of society. Sure, it’s not the most pleasant job in the world, but it IS a job, especially a paying one in today’s economy. I sympathize with your situation. One one hand, you have to make money; on the other, you’re making some people’s lives hell. It’s a crappy situation.

But even so, it’s not the ONLY job you can find. If you’ve got the brains to spam millions of emails everyday, I’m sure you’re very bright and intelligent. There’s plenty of careers out there for you to try. How about blogging for a change?

If spamming is the only route you are considering, I implore you to consider sending me relevant spam mail. You know what I mean. You can’t possibly NOT be the target of some spam mail from other spammers, right?

I mean, send me something about school or work related. Send me notices about local news or current events going on around the world. How about requests for charity donations?! Petitions for government changes! Lost pet notices! Obituaries!

But please stop sending me irrelevant stuff.

Yes. You certainly know what I mean. How many Nigerian princes are out there that are in need on money transfers?!  Seriously!

What is the chance that I’m taking that drug you are starting a class action lawsuit against?!

How likely is it that I’ve won a new iPad without even applying for anything?!

And do you really think I want to webcam with some girl name Mary Cooley?

No. Not at all sirs. Thank you very much.

So please, for the sake of humanity, send me some relevant spam mail. Send me something I will at least attempt to open before clicking delete.  A big thanks from me (and the rest of the world) ahead of time for at least reading this letter.

With deepest  regards,

OompaLoompa

Spam is very yummy… sometimes…

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