A rose by any another name (is totally not the same.)

If you ever work in the clerical field of any type (whether it be as a receptionist, librarian, telemarketer, or in Human Resources), you often come across hundreds of names daily. This amounts to a myriad of names that you may come across, for both boys and girls. It, therefore, isn’t hard to make some generalizations about names and naming children.

First Generalization: People like to name their kids generic names. Especially immigrants. Why? Because obviously, their non-American name would very likely be pronounced wrong, perhaps even turning into something vulgar in the English language. For example, Bich is a common Vietnamese name for a girl, meaning “jade.” Now Jade is a rather nice name, but imagine pronouncing Bich, yelling it out in the waiting room full of adults and kids. Someone is bound to misinterpret the situation and try to cover their child’s precious ears. This is why we have so many Michelles and Tiffanys in the world. Combine this with a common last name like Chan or Wong and you can see where some confusion and mix-ups may occur. Don’t get mad at people who confuse your kid for another Michelle Wong. It is totally not their fault you named your kid such a common name.

Second Generalization: People like to name their kids “unique” names. Why? Maybe it’s to negate the generalization stated previously, but seriously, “Apple” is not a name. Apple is a fruit to be eaten. Do you see the possible bad interpretations of this name? In today’s world, whether we like it or not, names can affect how someone is perceived. Will “Apple” ever get the chance to be CEO of a large company? Very unlikely. Why? Who is going to listen to a guy or girl named Apple as the head of a corporation? Seriously. I am sure if they had the potential to be in a high executive position, the first thing he or she would do would be to change their name to something more mundane like John or Jane.

(Additionally, if you want your kid’s name to be pronounced a certain way, place an accent in the name and accept that people will likely say it incorrectly the first time. If you name your kid Françoise, put the cedilla in the name. If you name your kid Zoë, put the umlaut in or name her Zoey. If you don’t write it, how are people suppose to know it’s pronounced a certain way?!)

"You named me WHAT?!"

That brings me to the Third Generalization: People like to give their children unisex names. This means that the name can be interpreted as either feminine or masculine. Already you can see the problems that will arise when these children start going to school. 99% of the time, Kelly will be a girl and Ryan will be a boy. Do not get upset if people make this generalization without taking into account that your kid may not be what their name would commonly suggest.

No wonder parents fuss over naming their kids. 

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Stalking in the Archaic Times.

Back before the age of technology, …

… before the prevalence of Facebook, Google, Twitter…

… before the times of Myspace and Friendster…

… even before the widespread use of the World Wide Web…

… people stalked each other through the White Pages.

(Ok. I know it’s yellow, but the front is where the white pages are…)

***

I opened a phone book today for the first time to actually search for something, and a couple of thoughts ran through my head:

  1. Where’s the phone book at my house…? Do I even have one?!
  2. I wonder if color blind people can see the big red 9-1-1 on the front page. Is it still red? Maybe it’s tinted green…
  3. Do people still pay to be put in the phone book? Do people have to pay to be put in the white pages section?
  4. How does the phone book company make money if people get it for free…?
  5. This is really an inconvenient way to look for something. The internet would have been faster. I knew I should have Google’d it.
  6. Why do they make the business section yellow and the people section white? Wouldn’t it be cheaper to make the smaller people section yellow and the big business section white?! And why yellow?!
  7. This is totally a waste of paper.
  8. I bet people who had to look up stuff at a phone booth would be really pissed if someone tore out random pages of the phone book.
  9. Actually, that would be a funny prank.
  10. The white pages is kind of stalker-ish. There are people’s names, addresses, AND phone numbers.

I wasn’t listed in the phone book. Darn.

Wonders of Life?

This will be OompaLoompa’s second post. Exciting!!

DisneyDork: You know what I was thinking about while I was walking? Why does our hair grow?!

I don’t know why this would come up while you are walking… When I’m walking, I’m thinking: Please don’t let some idiot run me over with his/her car!

Sometimes I wonder what life is like in her brain. It must be a 2 dimensional world with Disney characters running around and things are in clear black and white…

I had a “DisneyDork” moment today at work: Why are oranges the only fruit named their color?

You don’t see people naming bananas “yellow” or apples “green” (I only eat green apples. Red apples are weird man…)

This is what it must feel like to be in her brain… 

I don’t think I like it so much…