Dear Target, Where are my 4 pages?!

I went to Target recently to buy a composition notebook required for class. Per the syllabus, we were to number the right hand pages only. This seemed like a rather simple task. It was until I found out Target ripped me off!

It clearly says “100 sheets / 200 pages.” So I started to number the pages one by one until I got to the end….

Ok, so I know what you’re thinking: “You totally don’t know how to count. Probably messed up counting like an idiot.”

I thought so too. So I recounted.

96.

Then counted again.

96.

Then I counted half the pages until I got to the binding and multiplied by two just in case I’m a real idiot.

Guess what? Still 96.

….

Target, where are my four pages?!

This false advertising thing can get real bad, real fast. All over 4 pages in a notebook! I know cuz DisneyDork’s a lawyer and she’ll vouch for me!

I decided to see what dumb country this thing was made in:

… My own country ripped me off of four pages. Apparently, we can’t even count to 100.

I thought it was a fluke so I counted another notebook. Nope. Still 96. WTH?!

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Witches and Wizards and Magical Creatures ARE REAL.

How do I know?? How do you know they are fake?!

If you ever watch the movies…the witches, wizards, and magical creatures make an extra effort to keep their identities a secret from mortals. HELLO. Duh. That is why we don’t have actual confirmation that any real witches or wizards or mermaids or aliens exist…etc etc.  Men in Black…they flash you with that stick thing to keep you from remembering that you helped save the world from an Alien take-over or something like that.  Magic people and the government are smart.  If we did figure it out, they erase our memory! And the normal people that do know, keep it a secret.

If you ever watched Charmed…you can see that every time the sisters’ witch identities are revealed the Cleaners come and fix it. Plus, if you think…at one point people thought that big metal machine things couldn’t fly. Oh wow. What was that? Yes. Big metal machines can fly and carry hundreds of huge fat people in it at the same time. Yes. One day magical creatures and people will probably take over the world.

Think more. Have you ever swam to the deepest part of the ocean at every inch of the ocean?  No? Really. Duh. Mermaids probably live there. And if you come, they probably have some weird power that can make them invisible.

I hope I find a magic friend. Then maybe they can teach me to fly like Tinkerbell. Fairies are small. You can’t just see them.  It is like those bio-cells. Before no one knew how to look at DNA and all that science crap. Now we do. DUH. One day we’ll be able to see small fairies.

What about the adventures they have in Narina.  The kids don’t tell anyone about it.  And if they do, no one believes them. Maybe all those crazies in the the crazy house talking about unicorns and secret lands or flying ghosts etc etc aren’t that crazy.  Think about it. The idea had to come from somewhere.

Please print.

How many people actually print a physical copy of the confirmation pages for everything they purchase or order online?

Today alone I was asked to “print and retain” confirmation pages at least three times. If it wasn’t for the awesome invention of the PDF printer, I would be wasting a bunch of paper and who knows how much ink today alone just to have proof I actually ordered or completed something.

At my bank, they now offer the option of emailing a copy of your transaction receipts to your email inbox instead of wasting paper and ink printing it the traditional way. Wouldn’t it be nice if all the websites online offered this option? I can keep track of all my orders and purchases through just my inbox instead of looking around for a stupid piece of paper I am suppose to keep with an incredibly long alpha-numeric sequence. And I’m saving the planet by not wasting any paper.

People have already changed the way we use coupons by allowing people to just show the coupon on their cell phones. Why can’t we do that same with receipts?!

It’s time for all websites to pitch in and help create a greener environment all by changing “Please print and retain.” to “Please click to email.” Or better yet, just email everyone a copy. You’re already going to be sending me lots of junk mail now that you have my email address anyways. Why not send me something useful!

I hope no one tried to click and print this page…