Witches and Wizards and Magical Creatures ARE REAL.

How do I know?? How do you know they are fake?!

If you ever watch the movies…the witches, wizards, and magical creatures make an extra effort to keep their identities a secret from mortals. HELLO. Duh. That is why we don’t have actual confirmation that any real witches or wizards or mermaids or aliens exist…etc etc.  Men in Black…they flash you with that stick thing to keep you from remembering that you helped save the world from an Alien take-over or something like that.  Magic people and the government are smart.  If we did figure it out, they erase our memory! And the normal people that do know, keep it a secret.

If you ever watched Charmed…you can see that every time the sisters’ witch identities are revealed the Cleaners come and fix it. Plus, if you think…at one point people thought that big metal machine things couldn’t fly. Oh wow. What was that? Yes. Big metal machines can fly and carry hundreds of huge fat people in it at the same time. Yes. One day magical creatures and people will probably take over the world.

Think more. Have you ever swam to the deepest part of the ocean at every inch of the ocean?  No? Really. Duh. Mermaids probably live there. And if you come, they probably have some weird power that can make them invisible.

I hope I find a magic friend. Then maybe they can teach me to fly like Tinkerbell. Fairies are small. You can’t just see them.  It is like those bio-cells. Before no one knew how to look at DNA and all that science crap. Now we do. DUH. One day we’ll be able to see small fairies.

What about the adventures they have in Narina.  The kids don’t tell anyone about it.  And if they do, no one believes them. Maybe all those crazies in the the crazy house talking about unicorns and secret lands or flying ghosts etc etc aren’t that crazy.  Think about it. The idea had to come from somewhere.


Home movies.

Remember back in the old days when every important part of your life had to be filmed on camera? And how annoying it was to have to sit and watch all the boring parts of the video before you get to something interesting only to realize that the graduation video you recorded or the wedding you taped wasn’t that awesome? If you can’t remember, just imagine how boring it might be. The event probably wasn’t that fun the first time. Do you really want to experience it a second time?!

Aren’t we lucky to be in the age of digital cameras and film editing programs?! And you can’t forget about the magical invention of the YouTube.

Now, instead of reminiscing about someone’s 2nd birthday, you can watch some kid name Charlie biting his brother’s finger or a pair of cute otters holding hands at the aquarium.

We can’t forget the rant against the media’s attention to Britney Spears or the guy who was interviewed on the news about the intruder who went into his sister’s bedroom. (That’s right, “he’s climbin’ in yo’ windows, snatchin’ you people up, so you better hide yo’ kids and hide yo’ wife!“)

Why watch your sister’s 9th grade beauty pageant when you can watch Miss Teen South Carolina worry about the education in Africa and Iraq affecting American kids?

Don’t forget, everybody do the Thriller with the prison inmates! Just don’t attempt OK Go’s awesome treadmill choreography.

And those darn Asians in the library! Can’t they say anything else besides “ching chong, ling long, ting tong?!” Seriously!

Sometimes, YouTube can teach you to be compassionate: Someone needs to give the zombie kid a turtle. And while you are at it, give the unicorn his kidney back! And who’s going to read Kittens to the little girl so she knows what the book is really about and that kittens don’t really talk?

It’s so much more fun to share memories online with random strangers you have never met than to watch your own home movies. The best part? All the boring stuff is cut out. No more fast-forwarding through an hour’s worth of a video cassette tape.

(Actually, it’s a bit sad that I recall more viral YouTube videos than special moments in my life worth video recording. That is quite sad.)(I will leave it up to you to try to figure out which viral videos I was referring to!)

It’s Friday! Friday! Friday!